This image reminds me of driving through Colorado, the majesty of the Rocky Mountains, the crisp air, the alpine lakes and mountainside hot springs.
So in my book on digestion I talk about finding joy. Joy is that illusive “thing” we all seem to be chasing in life. I feel socially we have been led to believe joy comes from outside of us. This could be through the acquisition of cars, homes, clothes, art. It could be through experiences-travel, a day on the lake, a week at the beach, your child’s sports event, snowboarding. However these are all outside of us.
I used to be this person. Always chasing the dream of travel, fabulous wardrobe, fabulous dining, you name it and you could sign me up. Except one day I realized that no matter what there was still a discontent inside of me. Then mold toxicity happened and it threw my world into disarray.
I bought an RV, closed my physical business location while a dear friend remediated everything possible from the mold house. I lost everything except clothes, art and some kitchen items. Literally all the beautiful furniture from around the globe. I had lost most of my material possessions so I had nothing to lose by risking it all in favor of following my dream of writing a book. Many people thought I was crazy but I was so sick I knew I had to leave. At first due to the impact of the mold toxicity I could only drive 3 hours a day in the RV. Four hours on a good day.
When I was living in that mold house and had no idea why I felt so sick all the time I attended a meditation workshop. The joy I felt during this week long event was truly life altering. It was profound. I couldn’t get enough. Yes the setting was beautiful, the food great and it turns out several of my friends were there too but I had no idea about this when I booked it. I saw them in the evening.
So when I returned home I was determined to keep this joy alive. This is when my real journey with meditation took flight. At first I was a bit inconsistent meditating because I was trying to balance it with a demanding work schedule whilst feeling horrible. Then one day I realized that if I was consistent with my daily meditation I felt better inside irrespective of my exterior world or my physical body.
Now since leaving Napa, I have been on one amazing journey while writing a book about constipation and irritable bowel syndrome based on all those years of working with clients one on one. You learn so much about people, their habits and the dynamics of life. I also talked to people everywhere I parked the RV. I learned a lot during this time because it was a different perspective that what I gathered dealing with people with digestive issues (some people came in as a proactive approach to health and wellness). I certainly canvassed a lot of miles and a lot of nature. I took the “sweat it out” route to mold because I could not tolerate the drugs or supplements to remove it (I got so sick I couldn’t function at all). I chose nature as it nurtures healing and facilitates a deeper connection to oneself and the powerful, nurturing energies of the earth. Where it felt safe to do so I meditated solo in nature, swam in lakes and creeks, climbed many mountains. I also used oxygen therapy in the form of hyperbaric chambers.
I had many, many meltdowns. I felt angry and confused and a few days of why me. Til one day I realized why not me. Look at where this has taken me. In the process I realized the things that mattered to me before were not so important, yet my joy increased daily. I learned that I love the freedom of nature. I was always a nature girl but this was next level.
So what does this have to do with finding joy? Well eventually through round about ways I ended up back in Alabama on my family farm. Let me tell you there are no words for how much I despised living in Alabama growing up. Yet here I am writing this from my brother’s home looking out at the green pastures, cows, birds, ponds and just all around beauty. This morning I walked the dog in the cemetery where my mom was buried. It is honestly the most beautiful, peaceful cemetery I have ever seen. What struck me the most though was the joy I felt in my heart, even in Alabama.
I didn’t know how I was ever going to manage being here and not go crazy. Yet here I am walking the cemetery as happy as can be. That joy that is inside is not dependent on my outside environment any longer. This was such a profound revelation to me. Do I still enjoy fashion, art, travel, cars, dining out, music, beaches, lakes? Absolutely and I look forward to enjoying more of it but my joy is no longer attached to my external environment. I was wondering how I would manage to hold that joy inside of me especially after leaving a beautiful spot in Texas that feel like home to me. What I discovered is that no matter what is going on, no matter how challenged I am (and it has been endless!!!) that if I stay tuned into the beauty inside I am able to trust and know I will come out the other side still smiling. That is the biggest and best gift life could ever give me. I know (or maybe I don’t) being here is temporary. I started establishing roots where I just left and think about the beauty there daily.
My ability to cope with stress and not react in the same way has radically changed. Instead of reacting, I respond to the challenges in front of me and remain calm. Things that used to send me into orbit no longer do. I have changed my body’s stress response. I have more energy. I am more focused in my life and less distracted by things outside of me. I am literally the happiest I have ever been and it is not dependent on any external event or circumstance. I no longer use magnesium to help my bowel move. Why? Previously my stress response was utilizing it all so it wasn’t biochemically available.
Joy in this way is available to us all. One simply needs to turn inward. It is a process and generally takes time (but not always). It doesn’t mean you are not going to be challenged or life is going the way you envision. But what does happen is that however life goes, or whatever it throws at you it really doesn’t matter. Life is always full of surprises. I now embrace those and am curious where this road is going to lead.
If you want something different in life, you have to become something different. Sometimes this also means becoming someone different. Allow your habits that no longer serve you to fall away, gaining a deeper perspective on what feels aligned with the truth of who you truly are, not who society and our cultural conditioning want you to become or believe. When you are able to look beyond the social belief structures and connect inside you will find a beautiful, amazing truth not predicated on any external factors. Then you are free and finding joy is as easy we always dreamed of.
Much love,
Donna